Notes from a recovering people pleaser

If I tell you being good to everyone won't take you anywhere, will you hate me? Well, don't get me wrong. What I mean is that I'm not telling you to be unkind to people. I'm not telling you to be harsh to people, but to treat people kindly without burning yourself out. And take this from me, a former people pleaser. Or you can say, still a people pleaser, trying to recover from people pleasing?

Well, look at me, defending myself. Isn't that the first sign of being a people pleaser?

So, yes, what I mean to say is, more often than not, we are consistently taught to be nice to people, to be good to people, to make space for people, no matter what. To be there for people, no matter what. To just be the good friend, the good child, the good partner. Be good at every relationship in your life and be good to every person in your life, without expecting anything in return, without questioning the consequences.

But that's the idealistic state, isn't it? What happens to you as a human being in the process? Has anyone ever thought of that before they declared that the most idealistic state of being is your kindest and most loving self, no matter what happens to you?

But just know that protecting yourself, or at least trying to protect yourself in any capacity, is not selfish. People might tell you otherwise, but aren't they being selfish by always asking you to be kind to them? Always asking you to keep their best interests in mind? Aren't they thinking about themselves indirectly by telling you to be nice to everyone?

So why not, for a change, actually really be selfish for yourself? Pour that care, that love, to yourself. And maybe most of it might just sound like me talking to myself—me saying things to all of you that I might need to hear. But sometimes, as a writer, I'm probably just putting those words of wisdom out there so that I can reaffirm them for myself.